Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Chapter 2 Story of a guy - Falling in Love

Its been a difficult time for him. He is just getting soaked in the feeling of being away from her. A cold fear of loneliness has grabbed him. The life seems so dull to him and he is completely unaware of her actions. He browses the Internet to see her profile all night thereafter just looking at her picture running his hands on the computer screen right at her face as if touching her cheeks just to tell her how much he cares for her. 

Its been not even a day and he is going nuts - Life seems so tough today for him. So uncertain, so empty and feeling of being lonely suddenly grabbed his mind. He scans through his cell phone number of times just to see if she called... every time the text message buzzes he gets excited to see if its her... but all in vain. Rest of the world is with him people who dint spoke to him over the years called him today - but still he is so depressed. How the day passed by he wonders - it felt as if he was just sitting in one corner of his room and the sun raised and settled. How the evening lights got turned on. He went out in evening to meet some old buddies even in their presence - there was a thought he kept feeling that - yeah there is something missing... terribly missing. He saw her online on the social network site. She was even online on chat - but because of his commitment to her of not to approach her till a week made resisted him to even say a HI. She kept playing some of the online games - he even helped her gain some extra points. It seemed to him as if he was doing his duties but never felt like ignoring her completely. The thought of ignoring her is devastating for him. 

 In the evening he wandered the streets of the city to see people around him - in less than 24 hours life has changed so much for him. Few days ago he had this feeling that the world belongs to me and I belong to the world and today he wonders if he is even a part of this world? His smile had disappeared somewhere, he wasn't feeling hungry at all - starving though but the food wont go in. His friends and parents wondered whats wrong with him! But what would he say about this new untold stories that happened in a fraction of a seconds in his life. He just left home late in the night to wander on the streets of the dark and cold road where only the street lights dwelling. He walks across the streets and then sits on the pavement reaching out to his pocket he removes his cell phone in the cold breezy night. He browses in the music player and plays the most played songs play list. Popping in the ear phones he gives out a sigh. As the music of guitar strings from his favorite song "Coming Back to life" of Pink Floyd hits his ears the sigh he gave out in the cold night looks like a steam from his mouth. He stares at the glimpse of the night lamps on the streets and the dark patches of the road in between them. 

In between the song his cell phones buzzes twice for a message, the first time he gets anxious when the message box opens up - could it be her? he asks himself - but he gets his answer. Its not her its a random forward by a friend about friendship. In the transition of the music he gets lost looking at the night fall by - forgetting that he is outside his home - he lies down on the pavement looking straight up in the sky, glancing his eyes on the deceptive clouds in the light of the moon. He is deep down in his thoughts wonders whether these clouds are like thoughts too - cause thoughts never stay at one place they keep flowing. That's when the second message buzzed. It was again a good night forward message. He looks at his wrist watch - both the hands of the watch meet each other - it was midnight. He decided to walk back home. As he walked the streets he saw his own shadow preceding with every step he took towards his destination. It struck him - may be this is life, you appear big and strong for a moment and then you fade away and rise again when the light of the divine falls on you. 

 After reaching home this poor guy had no control left over him - unable to decide what to do... he just lies down on the bed with earphones still in his ears. From the bed he looks at the ceiling and sometimes at his cell phone. Thinking what to do he scans his phone book and wonders whom to call - as he stops by her name. He becomes numb. He pops out the ear phones and cuddle the silence of the room. Wondering whatever he did was right or wrong should he had accepted the situation and moved on - was it the need of the hour for him to give her an opportunity to know him better - live without him for a while and wonder whether she really needs him or not? 
Leaving aside all these negativity - he remembers her - misses the most beautiful thing about her - the synergy of positivity he gets from her - something that is more or less has a divine nature. Something that soaks him into her eyes every time he looks at them. The thought of being with her again and this time till eternity brings him back to life. And remembering her he drifts off to sleep. Hoping that the new day will bring in some ray of hope for him. 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Chapter 1 Story of a guy - Falling in love


It is said that being in love is the most amazing feeling. Being in love makes you smile endlessly - the world looks an amazing place and the joy can be seen right on your face. The only difference here is that you are in love with the most amazing person in the world - who seems to be way too special to you, So special that the you feel inferior to the person leaving aside all your egos and self esteem.

The person who once thought of being egoistic now keeps telling himself that he is nothing without his partner. Now feels like a 4 year old, keeps smiling like a baby and goes out of the way to do anything for his partner. The one who never paid attention to conversations now leaves aside all his work just to hear her speak. Who smiles and feels great just to hear the excitement in her voice. Who feels her presence even when shes not around - her voice makes him sooth away all his despair feelings. He is now so dependent on her - for small small things of his life he is dependent on her decisions. He wants to be so much special for her - that he keeps asking himself - Am I the right person for her? These kind of thoughts paralyzes him makes him little insecure when she mentions about her other special friends.

The feeling of being with her - makes him feel so special - that he forgets everything in the world. He leaves aside all his work just to spend few seconds with her. He might end up travelling from corners of the world shelling out every penny in his pockets - just to see that smile on her face.He is still unaware of her thoughts for him but he doesn't cares for him - it doesn't matters - all that matters is that sweet smile on her face for him. For once when he used to feel jealous of the guys who hit on her and are now with her as friends - she values their friendship despite knowing that the fact that they committed a mistake. His respect for her grows multi-fold and he sees himself fall in love day in day out. He spends the rest of his night glued to his cell phone to hear her sweet voice in his ears which eventually echoes in his mind and heart 24/7 he finds it so difficult to sleep at nights because of all the thoughts keep pouring his mind. As time passes on - he finds himself checking out her pics, finding new ways to tell her that how special she is for him - to bridge the gap of friendship to a relationship - a relationship which is way to special than anything in the world for him.


And one day he finally finds some courage to share his feelings with her - how he feels way to special for her and wants to spend the rest of his life time with her. Not considering anything about his past and nothing about the future but just the present state of affairs - his sub conscious warns him though about the consequences he might land up himself but he doesn't fears anything and goes out and tells her whatever he has in mind. She takes time to understands - but doest reacts the way he expected. Though he is disappointed a little but doest reacts strongly - he sees a light of optimism in her response. The confusion she has been resting over the days - she becomes way too normal with him but he is still unable to gauge the situation. He soon becomes impatient and goes out of the way to woo her. He shows her the concern he has for her, he shows her that he wants to spent more and more time with her. She runs his mind 24/7 even in his dreams - when he is working - he finds it difficult to focus - this is the power of love! Life which was like piece of cake for him couple of days ago now seems way to difficult and complicated with no ray of hope for him.

He counts on his actions - he becomes way too cautious of his actions for her. He doest wants to look too caring at the same time wants to ensure that she is safe and sound. He wants to ensure that she keeps her self fit and fine but he cant go out of his way to extend her his help. He knows she has a huge friends circle - he cant mingle with her friends - to bring into the notice of everyone that there is something cooking up between the two. He feels like messaging her most of the time - just to know what is she upto or does she misses him the way he does her. He doesn't wants too look like a Chipku. He gets excited when she spends some quality time with him listening to his words and his stories. His expectations for her drops - he expects nothing from her but just a little time from her - just the feeling for him in her thoughts. He just wants her to know that he misses her alot. He wants to dedicate few romantic songs to her and wishes they could simply listen to those beautiful songs which suddenly mean a lot to him. Her response his not so great for this. Instead he decided to text her the lyrics of all these beautiful songs - she doest even reads them and thinks its just a forward and keeps her cell aside. Poor guy doesn't even knows how to react.- he is not bothered with this behavior of hers  - for the one you love you are so blind in their charisma - that you simply ignore those negativity about them to shower them with your love.



But the coming few days will not be so easy for him - as he sneaks in a corner of the dark room to wipe his continuous tears from his eyes. He feels so empty - so shallow about his feelings - the tears which were rolling down his eyes were now dried out. That shitty feeling within him rests for long - he wants to cry out loud but simply cant - instead he just stars thinking what went wrong! He figures out that how anxious he got to spend some time with her to top the list of her priorities. But he forgot to understand its been just few months he knows her and there is great deal of things he needs to know about this girl he is blindly in love with. He analyses that he got way too involved with her thoughts running in his mind. Right from day one he has been thinking about how to win her heart and how to make her feel special and be with her.


His heart is broken but he knows that broken hearts can be mended. He is pretty confident that one days she might just realise that he is really serious for her feelings and desires. He wants to fulfil her every dream and desires. But also be a watchdog in her life without interfering too much in her life.

He knows the key to happiness is not expecting too much from her but still he fails to understand that the love he is been looking for might not be available with her. He is still persistent on his emotional drive. He wants to give her time to figure out if she misses him in the coming few days - to an extent that they might like to spend time together. For this he ensures that he doesn't bother hers at all with any kind of communication directly between them, He knows its going to be difficult since the time he hanged up on her he has written few messages to her and saved them in his drafts .

Its like a quest for him and he doest knows how to react - he starts to stammer and chuckles during the conversation with her.. She is a great person at heart and he is still willing to go out of his way any day for the love of his life he is now just waiting for the right time.

All he knows that she is way to special for him and he loves her alot and would do anything to see her happy!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Silence of Eternity



When the Heart wishes to speak
And the silence of your eyes grabs me, 
The cold fear within me rises, 
Just dont wanna loose you...


I keep Numb and the silence exists
Can't reflect myself in your eyes.
I break the silence with a whisper
I love you is all I say

I wait for your turn, Looking deep in your eyes;
The heart pumps up and down as each second rises.
Your silence irritates me, can't understand why you are doing this?
You seem, fading away from me, cant understand why it happens???